1. Accept and acknowledge what you feel
This is an important step because you cannot take action until the mind has settled. Accept what you feel, think and understand. This may be something definite, as in “I don’t love this person…I want out!” or perhaps something less decisive, like “I am not attracted to this person. I don’t know if this is going to last.” The problem comes when you deny what you feel. It only complicates matters and creates troubled relationships.
2. Try to understand yourself and why you feel this way
Usually, the people that regret impulsively leaving a relationship have no idea why they feel the way they do. This is why it’s a smart idea to ask yourself tough questions and answer them honestly. If you are not attracted to your partner, ask yourself why. Not just why your partner is lacking, but what exactly you are looking for that would make you happy. If your partner has hurt you and you can no longer accept him or her then it’s time to reach a definite conclusion about what you need to be happy.
3. Talk to the person about how you feel
Provided your partner is not abusive, you owe it to him or her to talk to you about the feelings you have and the thoughts you’ve been dealing with. It’s not easy to take this step, but in retrospect, you will find it is what a good partner deserves. If there is a chance to save the relationship, the partner must know that there is trouble and that something must change. If your partner loves you but you do not feel the same way, he or she deserves to know the truth. Do not conclude that it’s too late, or that your partner won’t respond. You owe it to him or her to be honest.
4. Talk to a trusted friend or family member
Sometimes a little perspective (namely someone else’s perspective) can help you make peace with your doubts. This confidant can help you determine if what you feel is natural doubt or something much greater—as in an imminent breakup. Stick to parents, aunts and uncles and older siblings rather than friends your own age or younger.
5. Get professional help
If family members or trusted friends cannot give you the comfort or support you need then maybe it’s time to talk things over with a therapist or psychologist. If you don’t understand the way your own mind works, a professional can help explain what the problem is, why the relationship isn’t working and other mysterious questions.
6. Find a support group and talk about how you feel
The next best thing to do is to find a support group that can provide comfort and support, even beyond that of family members and a therapist. When you talk to a support group, you are actually talking to people who have had similar experience to you. Therefore, their words will be extra special. If you don’t want to do this in person, you can always join a forum and voice your concerns.
7. Visualize your life without the other person and decide upon your next move
Not having a game plan as to what you should do after the breakup is a mistake. If you are unsure of what to do, how to react and where to go, then you could easily relapse and call your ex up for a spontaneous makeup meeting. You can avoid this fall back maneuver by planning your future. Will you move out? Will you move away? Will you get a new email address or remove the person from your friend’s list on Facebook? Or are you capable of being this person’s friend without any romantic attachment? Plan your future carefully to avoid compromising.
8. Determine if you can live without the other person
It’s never a wise decision to “settle” on someone, rather than truly loving them. Therefore, the only sure way to know if you are “destined” to stay together is to ask yourself “Can I go on living without this person?” As in permanently. Not as a friend or a crush or a secret lover. Can you commit to avoiding this person romantically for the rest of your life? Your answer is your future.
9. Confront the other person
If you decide it’s time to leave, there is no other choice than to be honest, straightforward and uncompromising. Before you reach this point, you should have figured out what the problem is and what actions you need to take. You must be strong because your partner or boyfriend/girlfriend may not take the news well, and may make promises. By this point however, you are past the point of trying to save the relationship. You must decisively end it, in person, and with firm determination.
10. Do not look back
Never second-guess yourself. You could speculate for hours on what could have happened, and what you could have done differently. However, it’s time to move forward. This is the journey life is taking you on and to shrink back and restart a relationship you are not happy in is not productive at all. It is literally a waste of your life. Be strong and look forward once you decide to end a relationship.
Ultimately, you must decide what you value in a partner and what you want out of life. We believe that love is something so strong that it’s not the sort of thing you have serious doubts about. Being chronically unhappy is a sign of a failing relationship. You do not owe anyone your life…save yourself from misery and stop feeling trapped!
