Staying committed to your spouse

Our traditional model of marriage in the United States has remained stable and unchanged for more than 50 years. We have based our expectations on the relationships of our parents and grandparents and learned our beliefs about marriage based on the need for financial security, continuity and support. As the world changed and more women have had to integrate family life with work life, this model, although traditional, is not geared towards partnership and supporting individual needs.

The highest rate of divorce in young couples is during the early 20's. After about age 27, most young adults have found their true self and are emotionally mature enough to handle the stress of marriage and family life all while juggling a new job market. Men and women today have a need to find their individual selves before committing to a partnership that may force them to give up some of their individuality. Creating a partnership that honors a functional emotional connection while still ensuring individuality is more along the lines of today's needs and wants in relationships. Couples want more than financial security and a stay at home mom or dad. They want to feel trust, love and spiritual connection through the skills and practices they have learned as children.
Multiple priorities and responsibilities have become more important than attending to spouses and a committed relationship. In order to keep that relationship open and growing, there are suggestions for staying creative throughout the years:
• Take time to coordinate your busy schedules at least once a week and then plan a date night each week. Once a month plan a whole day to spend together doing something special and alone and spend at least one week alone together each year. Take this time to visit new places and get away from the daily commute and responsibilities of daily life.

• Buy special little gifts for each other just to let your spouse know you are thinking of them. Perhaps a trip to the grocery store includes a bouquet of flowers or a favorite treat.


• Leave love notes for each other. Text small messages during the day, while away on business or even when you're in different rooms of the house.


• Spend time together at night. When the children go to bed, take time to talk and cuddle rather than watching television or doing chores.


• Kiss your spouse every day and make it a point to say "I love you" to them every single day.


• Communication with your spouse is crucial to a great marriage. Letting your spouse know what you are feeling, your opinions on subjects and what you need from him is important to keep the relationship alive and growing. Actively listening, even when you are facing a conflict, tells your spouse that thier opinion is important to you and that you are focused on finding a solution rather than "winning" an argument. Most arguments can be diffused simply by listening and acknowledging your partners thoughts and emotions.

Marriages take teamwork and commitment to the success of the team over individual accomplishment. Your relationship is your first priority and the ability to form a cohesive unit to face the challenges that come in life. Successful marriages come with a lot of time and energy put forth to make it work. Complete commitment to making a relationship works means investing regularly in your relationship and its needs.
Remember to stay flexible to the changing needs of the marriage. The path to happiness will have many bends and forks and being able to take them in stride will help your marriage become stronger and more fulfilling. If you make the commitment to stand by your spouse even during the toughest moments, it becomes easier to skip through the smaller, trying episodes because you both will feel secure and loved in your relationship.